i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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