I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
