No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
MIDGETS
????
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
