PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
