I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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