we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
