I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
