May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
