I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
