you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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