omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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