btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
