did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
