I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
