Im at strip club and am horny
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
