1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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