I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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