My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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