Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
