When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
