I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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