I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
