I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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