using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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