you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
