my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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