I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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