apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
