i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
