I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
