ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
