i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
