i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize