he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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