Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
