Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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