I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize