Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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