Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize