So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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