Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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