those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ketchup is God's man juice
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
