We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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