is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
