Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
