Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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