So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
