Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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