You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Are we still banned from the library?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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