I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
