So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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