I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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