It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
