That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
