Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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