I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize