Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
