i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
