yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
