The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm passing your future prison.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
