I got her a Nickelback box set.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
