drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
