That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize