K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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