Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
