And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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