i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
