My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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