You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize