woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
