dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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