"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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