remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
