On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
