We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
