i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
