You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize