but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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