well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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