i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
