Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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