Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
