I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
