The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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