When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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