Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
