my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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