now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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