shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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