i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
