You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
