I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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