i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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