im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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