I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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