this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
