I accidentally had phone sex last night
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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