I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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