You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
