2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
