omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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