it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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