Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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