SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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