goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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