I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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