I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
do herpes really smell.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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