why didn't you poke me back
how can u be prego again
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
