i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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